Birthdays are significant, and I enjoy celebrating them because they serve as a reminder that we are here for a reason, and that we have another chance to reflect on and achieve that purpose. “Our essential purpose is to become the best version of ourselves,” author Matthew Kelly says, and I agree. We should all strive to be the best versions of ourselves as we enter the season of new beginnings. The idea of becoming your best self can easily become cliche, but the reality is that we can all become our best selves. Setting and achieving worthwhile goals is one way to become our best selves. What do you truly desire? Have you ever considered it? Do you know what you truly desire? First, you must decide what you truly desire in life. Not what you think you can accomplish, but what you really want if money were not an issue. Make that your new year’s resolution. Believe and you will succeed. Second, write down your goal. For the next 30 days, write it 50 times a day and repeat the goal several times a day. Yes! By writing and repeating your goal, it permeates your heart and soul, and you become emotionally invested in it. Invest in yourself by hiring a coach and a mentor who have achieved what you want to achieve, and allow them to provide you with the necessary tools and experience, as well as serve as your accountability partners. Going it alone is an uphill battle; get the help you need. Act as if it were impossible to fail. Instead of being afraid, put one foot in front of the other in the direction of your dream. Take action now! Do something towards your goal every day. You may begin slowly, but you will quickly gain momentum and soar! The challenges will come, but enjoy the journey to achieving your goal. Keep being grateful, positive, and laser-focused on your goal; after all, you are what you think about all day. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in 2023! Mansa Agyare Founder, The Birthday Journal The Becoming My Best Self (BMBS) Telesummit Planning Team Christopher, Gladys, David, Brenda, Frederick and Ivan Frederick Q. Adjokatse BMBS Telesummit Project Coordinator Christopher Osei BMBS Telesummit Graphic Designer David Inkum BMBS Telesummit Social Media Lead Gladys Amponsah BMBS Telesummit Social Media Assistant Ms. Gifty Amgborme PR Strategist/Media Affairs Consultant Photography/Videography Ivan Acquah Photologue Studios Clothing and Studio Set Design CHEZ JULIE The Birthday Journal Publication Brenda Gyimah The Birthday Journal The Becoming My Best Self (BMBS) Telesummit Planning Team 3
Contents Sika Twum Professional Profile The Renaissance My Story Modules Community Releasing my fears Loving myself Embodying authentic confidence Owning my voice and visibility Connecting to co-create Stepping into my purpose contribution Flying at Mach 5 Sika’s Tribe Depth Practitioners 08 14 18 08 26 31 34 41 45 49 52 54 4
The Becoming My Best Self (BMBS) Telesummit Planning Team Brenda Gyimah The Birthday Journal, Marketing and Operations Manager Christopher Osei BMBS Telesummit Graphic Designer Frederick Q. Adjokatse BMBS Telesummit Project Coordinator David Inkum BMBS Telesummit Social Media Lead Gladys Amponsah BMBS Telesummit Social Media Assistant Ivan Acquah Photologue Studios Ms. Gifty Amgborme PR Strategist/Media Affairs Consultant 5
“The seeds to becoming your best self, lie within you and that is why you are an asset fromwithin.” Joyce Sika Twum 7
Adoley stopped typing briefly and smiled as I narrated my ordeal. It was the first time she smiled since she came over today. Perhaps it was the exaggerated gesticulations I was making with my face and hands. Adoley was an elderly friend and a brilliant typist. You know those types of people who can type without looking at the keyboard? Not like some of us who use one finger, struggling to find the alphabets. I had invited her over to do some work for me. Personally, I think she likes coming around because of the goodies and snacks I serve her in the course of her work. Anyway, here she was typing my work as I dictated. I continued, “I remember the first time I saw a rainbow; a little girl mesmerised by the softly glowing colours. I had been standing on our porch at the University of Cape Coast Campus, contemplating whether to dance in the rain, the sensible part of my brain bringing up images of mymother, smelling of freshly baked cakes, andwatching out “My clothes clung to my skin.” It made no sense to even run. I was drenched in rainwater. I beat myself up, knowing that I should have taken my umbrella. Running to a sheltered alley, I waited for the rain to stop. Twenty minutes later, the rain died down and the skies were clear. You won’t even believe it just rained cats and dogs. Then it appeared. A rainbow. Majestically colourful. “I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of it, just like the first time I had seen one.” Dr. Christian Harry Ayisi & Victoria Constance Ayisi 8
the window. My brain is reminding me of what a proper spanking would feel like. I stayed put on the porch, trying to float my paper boat in a small puddle, even though the rain had stopped. And when I lifted my head to get up, that was when I saw it. A big, colourful bow in the sky, a huge arc of many colours cutting across the sky from one end of it to the other. It was beautiful and breathtaking. I wished I could just stretch out my hands and properly grab it, clutch it to my chest, and take it indoors. My name is Joyce Sika Twum, and I must admit, I love rainbows. And, while its beauty captivated me as a child, it now holds more than a fascination for me. Today, I see it as a symbol of rebirth and new beginnings. And maybe people would not understand until they knewmy story. Adoley looked slightly amused but kind of not convinced by my rainbow story. She repositioned herself as I set out to dictate my bio. Mom, Juliette, Adubea and Sika The Ayisi Siblings withMom Sika, Adubea and Juliette 9
Sika I was born in 1962, at Prempeh College, Kumasi, to Dr. Christian Harry Ayisi and VictoriaConstanceAyisi, both of blessed memory. I was named after my paternal grandaunt “Mum Sika”, who had lovingly fostered my dad when he became orphaned at the age of six. At the time of my birth, my dad was the Assistant Headmaster of Prempeh College, and I was welcomed by my two older siblings, Harriet and Juliette. My twin sisters, Charlotte and Charity were born a year later, which helpedme in a way because my parents’ attention shifted from me early, causingme tobecome independent, resilient, and fearless. Unfortunately, Charity died a few months after their birth. Our joy was complete when our only brother, Harry was born. Our family relocated from Prempeh College to the University of Cape Coast, where our dad got a lecturing job and where we had our primary 10
a education at theUniversity Primary School. I remember in primary school, I used to ward off both boys and girls who dared to bullymy siblings, Juliette and Charlotte (Adubea). FromtheUniversity of Cape Coast, we moved to the University of Ghana. Ours was a delightful childhood, and I still have fond memories of my parents taking us to the Elmina Motel in my father’s impeccably clean black Opel, with him teaching us a song he had created titled “You will be a pussycat yourself one day.” I also have fond memories of him trying to bribe me with boiled corn whenever I was sad and down from being scolded. In those days, Dad would take us to the Balme Library at the University of Ghana to borrow books. The idea was to summarise our respective books at the end of the week. Instead of reading, I would create a tent around my bunk bed, grab fistfuls of Milo, and chew on them, all the while pretending to be reading like my siblings, who could finish a book of 100 pages in a day. Of course, I was found wanting at the end of each week when it was time to do our summaries. Growing up, I really admired my father. Orphaned at the age of six, he had self-tutored himself through school, gaining admission to Oxford University to pursue a master’s and later a doctorate as a Psychologist. His ability to teach himself Latin, play the organ, and bring up a family of excellence was admirable. Secondary school for me was at the prestigious HolyChildSchool inCapeCoast.Likemanyyoung people, I breezed through secondary school, but academia was not my thing. I wanted to be a model, an actress, or a flight attendant because of the glamour associated with these professions. I was so preoccupied with my glamorous careers that I fantasised about strutting down the aisles of Ghana Airways planes in uniform! 11
When my O-level results came out, I had performed dismally, making it impossible for me to go back to my alma mater for sixth form. I didn’t care too much at the time; I was off to Denmark for the adventure of a lifetime. Even though I wasn’t academically inclined, I had a natural flair for talking, and I naturally excelled in the American Field Service (AFS) year abroad programme interview. Upon my return from Europe, my parents sat me down and said, “Sika, we think you should be a teacher.” My heart missed several beats. “Teacher?” I was devastated; teaching had none of the glamorous qualities that I had often dreamt of. For days, I pondered what I was going to tell my friends who had continued on to the sixth form: that going to a teacher training college at that time meant I was a loser. This was my first “Stop. Strategize. Succeed.” moment, that moment when all my frantic indecisions and anxious thoughts came to a silent stop and I had to strategize by weighing my options and capabilities to succeed. Yes, I was going to be a teacher!My three years at the Aburi PresbyterianWomen’s Training College were a game changer. Till today, I thank my parents for that “Stop. Strategize. Succeed.” opportunity, whenmy parents laid bare my innate skills, coupled them with my career options, and set me on the path to success. Afterwards, I attended the University of Port Harcourt, Nigeria, where my family had relocated. There, I did a degree in Educational Psychology, Guidance, and Counseling because I loved studying and understanding human behaviour. I met one of my best friends, Vivian Oyakhilome, at this university. We are still best friends to this day. After this, I proceeded to do myMasters at the University of Leicester. In 1992, I married Dr. Frederick Gyebi Twum, who I met at the office of the then Great African Insurance Company. He was introduced to me by his sister, Florence. Our marriage lasted twentyseven years, and we are blessed with two daughters and a son, namely, Addobea Twum, Natalie Fort, and Ohene Twum. We also have a three-year-old grandson, Oheneba. I am the Founder and CEO of Self Search Ghana Limited, a human development solutions firm that provides services in coaching, corporate training, and career assessments. My company is known for excellence in the delivery of career services in schools. It was the sole organisation that received Ghana Education Service approval for six years running to provide career services in Senior High Schools in 10 regionsofGhana.Wesupported students tofind themselves and make informed educational and career-related decisions. 12
I bring into the coaching, training, and facilitation spaces my authentic self and 30 years of rich experience, as well as a hybrid of skills and competencies drawn frommy background in psychology, counselling, and human resource management. I have just finished dictating my bio and Adoley is giving me this scandalous look, like she would just scream, “Sika Twum, are you tooting your own horn?” Of course, girl, who better to toot it than me? For someone who started off as academically poor, I have come a long way. I am not ashamed to flaunt my victories, to lift my head high, and to declare my achievements to the world—all to the glory of God. In fact, if I am asked to describe myself in four adjectives, I would not hesitate to describe myself as passionate, peopleoriented, positive, and proactive. I would say without regret that I am a master at disrupting old practices and igniting the potential of people to create new possibilities for their lives. We know you are all that, but do you need to stress it? Adoley asks in a small, not-so-sure voice, both her eyebrows raised in a worried expression. Excuse me? I ask, clearing my voice, and adding, I amalsoa seasoned transformational leadershipcoach, trainer, facilitator, career coach, andspeakerwithacombined 30 years of professional practice. 13
I have supported CEOs, managers, and leaders in both the private and public sectors to ignite their potential, self-actualize, and maximise their performance in various areas of their lives. My professional profile The success of my work is measured by the results and added value I give to every client I coach. I am not afraid to question or challenge the validity of my clients’ assumptions about themselves or others. I partner with them to create extraordinary results and manifest their potential through the facilitation of deep transformative work that produces tangible and rewarding results. AstheCoachforMTNWomeninTechnology,AbsaBank Women in Leadership, Barry Callebaut, and Cargill Ghana, to name a few, I have helped my clients, both male and female, to access their authentic confidence, gain self-love, find their voice and visibility, step into their zone of greatness, and create pathways that anchor their impact, success, influence, and fulfilment. I get my clients to dive deep into themselves and navigate difficult conversations in order to become their best self. Adoley is making “buh” sounds like she wants to interrupt me, half raising her hand every now and then. Of course, I give her no chance. She comes from an era where people are expected to be modest about theirachievements.Nogirl! Idon’t fall inthecategory of those who only announce their challenges and feel they have to bemodest in announcing the goodness of God in their life for fear of the unknown. “the difference that makes the difference in coaching, training, and facilitation.” 14
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I am described as “the difference that makes the difference in coaching, training, and facilitation.” I have created positive shifts in the lives of people and organisations in various countries within Africa, Europe, Asia, and the United States of America. I have a bachelor’s degree in Educational Psychology, Guidance, and Counselling from the University of Port Harcourt, Nigeria, and a postgraduate degree in Business Administration from the University of Leicester, UK. I am a Certified Human Resource Practitioner from the American Certification Institute (USA), a Certified International Gestalt Center for Organization and Systems Development (Cleveland, USA), a JohnMaxwell Team member and a Feminine Power Transformational Coach. Iamamemberof theAssociationofCoachingPractitioners andCertifiedHumanResourceManagementPractitioners (GH). I was the sole counsellor for the nation’s leading International School (Ghana International School), where I worked for 13 years and set up the school’s counselling and career development centre. The way Adoley is looking at me now, I just want to laugh. I find her expression simply comical. She can’t believe that I am saying all these things about myself. I don’t feel guilty at all. I have earned my achievements credibly; they are not fabrications, and if I can’t celebrate them, thenwhat is thepoint of itall?Seriously, if Adoley doesn’t flop and fall now, she will never die of a heart attack. I mean, her jaw is almost hitting the floor. However, I am not done with my profile, so I continue, My company, Self Search Ghana Ltd., was selected to partnerwithWUSC-Canadaonan INVESTprojectwhere I spearheaded the training of career service providers and set up career centres for select TVET institutions within the Accra, Kumasi, and Takoradi regions of Ghana. My most profound statement is “If you can see it, you can create it and have it.” Now Adoley looks at me with admiration in her eyes and says, “Sika, you have come a long way indeed.” I smile, say thank you and Thank God and begin to dictate my story. 16
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While others were looking to me for support, wisdom, and comfort, I was managing my own feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, fatigue, and support deficit syndrome. After several years of successfully counselling and coaching many people and supporting them to create the outcomes and lives they most desired, I found myself having to recreate my own life and stop being in denial of the disruptions. I came to the sudden realisation that I could fulfil my purpose and be more impactful if I did my own self-search. I realised that one major obstacle that kept me stuck was the fear of being vulnerable. I realised then, more than ever, that society’s perception of smart, successful women needing to be sufficient, know it all, and have all the solutions left many in the shadow of themselves and others. It left themwith society’s expectations of what is possible and not possible for them. I decided to give myself permission to be the change I wanted to see, feel, and create for myself. Coaching myself through the Becoming My Best Self Modules has been a life-changing experience that I now offer to all smart, successful women in transition. Adoley is furiously typing away now. It seems she is enaissance R The Ten years ago, at age fifty, I found myself feeling stuck in different areas of my life. I was in the process of navigating through a toxic relationship and was also trying tomanage a career path. My career at the time was stifling my deep yearning to become my best self. It was hinderingme fromstepping intomy zone of greatness, thus preventing me from impacting lives in more meaningful ways. 18
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graduallybecominganewconvert. She looks elated as I dictate: In celebration of my 60th birthday on November 26, 2022, I present an innovative and new Self Search product, Becoming My Best Self (BMBS) Coaching Package, to smart, successful women between the ages of 40 to 65 years, who feel stuck or seek to step into their next level of greatness. The BMBS Coaching Package was inspired by the rainbow, the symbol of a new beginning, breaking away from the old patterns, behaviors, and beliefs about oneself and others. Therefore, each module was intricately designed to reflect each of the seven colors of the rainbow. I am fully embracing who I am becoming, which is as beautiful as the rainbow. We introduce the BMBS Coaching Package through a Telesummit, where seven women share their personal experience on seven different topics, which form the seven modules in the package. We discuss each module and the speakers provide valuable insights on their personal journey as it relates to the topic. They share how coaching has supported them and provide nuggets of wisdom, to support other women on their journey to becoming their best self. The modules are: • Releasing My Fears • Loving Myself • Embodying Authentic Confidence • Owning My Voice and Visibility • Connecting to Co-create • Stepping IntoMy Purpose Contribution • Flying at Mach 5 The BMBS Coaching Package, sets you up for all that you want to become and create in your life. Each module builds on the other in a creative way. To give our clients flexible choices, the modules are offered in 4 different ways as follows: 1. One-on-One Coaching – This adopts a highly personalised and individualised approach and is preferred by those who want strict confidentiality and flexibility. 2. Group Coaching – This adopts the process of supporting groups of maximum 8-10 participants at a sitting. Here, a Depth Practitioner facilitates the group sessions to support members navigate their common disruptions and come up with their preferred growth pathways. The feedback from members, collaboration, questioning and reflective listening, all contribute to create shifts. 3.VIPIntensive -This is apremium service for the very busy Executive who does not have the time to go through 6 -12 sessions in one-onone coaching. We tailor a one full day of intensive coaching based on the Executive’s specific need. 4. Masterclass – This in-person or virtual class takes a maximum of 15 -20 participants. We adopt a practical and experiential approach to teach the “Becoming My Best Self” principles, methodology and practices on each module. What you need to know about BMBS 20
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The colours of the rainbow give meaning to each module. I remember that Adoley has a way with words. “Let’s play a game,” I say. “For each colour of the rainbow I mention, tell me what you see.” “Sure,” she says, excited at the prospect of a challenge. Red The red of blood, fire, and hot red coals. I see a small paintbrush, dipped into vibrant red paint, the stark red colour of caution. Correct for 100 points, Adoley. Fear, like the colour red, designates danger, a warning to release oneself of something in order to prevent other things or other areas of one’s life from being adversely affected. It is in releasing one’s fears that one can gain the wisdomand energy to pursue life with vigour and vitality. Releasing my fears Module 1 24
Smart, successful women want love, career fulfilment, true well-being, a balanced life, strong networks, and authentic confidence, like most people do. Unconscious fear frequently prevents them frommanifesting their desires. Our fear factors include the fear of losing our jobs, the fear of not having enough money to provide for our children, the fear of losing the admiration of those who look up to us, the fear of people betraying our trust, the fear of disapproval from significant others, the fear of being labelled a failure, the fear of being alone, the fear of not being able to keep up with the Joneses, the fear of living in guilt, and the fear of deviating from some societal norms and expectations. When I was growing up, my deepest fear was being vulnerable. By “vulnerability,” I mean being open or intimate enough to share my needs, challenges, and true self with others. My fear was that if people got to know my weaknesses, they would disrespect me, they would be disappointed in me and that I would have failed. This thought made it difficult for me to raise my hand in class at Holy Child and admit that I had not understood a topic and needed further clarification. It extended into my friendships to the point that those close to me would ask, “How come we always share our wins and losses with you, but you only share your wins?” This innate fear of vulnerability reared its ugly head early in my marriage and in my professional life. I found it difficult to share my challenges and seek help and support. This one incident, I remember vividly. While pregnant with my first child, I stayed with a very close friend for some days. One Monday morning, I woke up penniless, with not even a cedi to buy petrol. I was fully dressed and sat in her living room, hoping and praying that some miracle would happen. Money would somehow fall from the sky. I must say it did because my friend woke up, came to the living room, and asked me why I hadn’t left for work. Embarrassed, I made several attempts to lie in order to save face. “You don’t havemoney on you, right?” she asked. I nodded sheepishly. After a long lecture on how not to be ashamed to ask for help when necessary, she gave me the money, and I left. Vida taught me that “yes” is an answer, “no” is an answer, and “wait” is an answer. There was nothing to be ashamed of. From that day on, I learned to have boundaries while also being open and intimate. I learned that true intimacy requires vulnerability. It is by being able to share our innermost selves with other loving, safe souls that we build trust, safety, and the deepest of connections. Life forced me to release my fears dramatically when I took the decision to break away from what I describe as a “toxic spousal relationship.” I realised I was afraid to admit to myself that my marriage was no longer serving me well; I was afraid of what my friends and extended family would say, afraid of feeling like a failure. It was evident that I needed to release my own fears to be able to make informed decisions about my next steps. QUESTIONS TO PONDER Are there any fears holding you back from becoming your best self ? What measures do you think you can take to help you release those fears? ? 25
Scan to view the video interview with Sika Twum and Hon. Mona Quartey Life is a miracle and every breath we take is a gift fromGod. Hon. Mona Quartey Managing Partner, BVMFinance Advisory Services “ 26
“MRS. MONA HELEN QUARTEY is the Managing Partner of BVM Finance Advisory Services. She is a seasoned finance professional with extensive experience in Treasury, Risk Management, and Corporate Finance and over 30 years of banking and mining experience. She has defied the odds and climbed high in governance and on the boards of directors of high-end companies and state entities that women are discouraged from occupying. She is a former Deputy Finance Minister of Ghana who also served as an Alternate Governor on the World Bank Board and the African Development Bank Board. Mrs. Quartey holds a B.Sc. (Hons.) degree in Development Planning and a Master’s degree in Business Administration (Finance). She also holds a Master of Laws (LLM) in Commercial Law. “She is passionate about economic development and contributing her quota to make Africa’s economy resilient.” I expect Adoley to leave me alone in peace now, but it is not to be. She gathers small crumbs of biscuits on the table and sweeps them neatly with her fingers onto a serviette before asking, “So, how did you meet Mona?” “Adoley, please, are you here to type for me or are you here to interviewme?” She tries to hide a smile but the two small dimples on her cheeks give her away. I motion to her to keep typing as I reply to her question. “Mona was referred by a colleague who had attendedAchimota School withher and who happened to bemy assistant at Self Search at the time. Mona booked the entire twelve coaching sessions, and by the first two sessions, we began to witness a transformation. Not only was she very open to the process, but she actively participated in helping to co-create and shift her reality towards her preferred future. By the end of the process, our relationship had grown beyond coaching to that of confidant, mentor, helper, and supporter of eachother.Her love of books and flowers has enhanced mine. If you want a botanical garden in your home, contact Mona. “Through our connection, I have learned a refined form of diplomacy, firmness, and beauty mixed with brains and humility, and how to blend all of themtobecome awomanof substance.” “Sika, who is Mona Quartey?” Adoley asks, when I ask her to type the list of speakers for the program. She picks up a small pot of sunflowers onmy table and smells it. “Oh,” I say in reply. 27
Loving myself Module 2 I raise my glass of orange juice, Adoley what do you see? Orange “Brilliant. And what does the colour orange remind you of ?” Clusters of oranges, like earrings dangling from the earlobes of younger women; tangerines, so ripe I can feel their tanginess just by looking at them; peaches, persimmons, andbursting ripemangoes, I seemarigolds and begonias, orange hibiscus, and orange roses— splashes of vibrancy that are delightful to my senses. The second colour of the rainbow, “orange,” oozes zest, vigour, thrill, sizzling curiosity, happiness, friendship, comfort, and warmth. It reminds me to love myself. The colour orange, which is the second colour of the rainbow, is a warm, vibrant colour. It is a happy colour. Loving oneself leads to internal happiness, friendship and comfort with oneself. 28
? QUESTIONS TO PONDER How well do you know yourself ? How do you nurture love for yourself ? Did you know that creating “me time,” taking spa days, affirming yourself daily, and even engaging in spiritual practices are not the keys to releasing the old patterns that have held you back from loving yourself ? As African women, we are brought up to take care of everybody but ourselves. We are told that our joy is complete when we make our spouses, children, extended family, and employers happy. This has resulted in many smart, successful women feeling undervalued, underserved, and overutilized. You will be guided through our 7-step coaching process to: Discover the hedges that have kept you hedged in. Discover the “FGL Code” to break through and break free from your hedges. Build strong connections between your conscious and unconscious selves. Re-print and restructure your natural tendencies. Adopt powerful “I am enough” practices. Createpathways toevolvebeyond thepatterns of your past and become your own best friend. To love one’s self means paying attention to one’s needs, listening to one’s feelings, hearing what one’s inner voice is telling them, showing compassion and affection to one’s self, and nurturing one’s self as they would do for others. Growing up, I saw and heard “self-sacrifice” all around me. My parents sacrificed and denied themselves of their desires in order to give us a good, decent life. I saw aunties and friends deny themselves to support the educational advancement of others. I heard the word “delay gratification” all around me. Five years ago, while driving my second daughter Natalie to work, I shared with her how overwhelmed I felt. I complained about all the things I had to do and how I could not afford to do them. I moaned about how I was lecturing, running my company, and meeting spousal needs, yet felt unfulfilled. Natalie asked me one question that set me on the journey to begin to love myself. She asked, “Mummy, howdo you feel?” “Tired,” I replied. “How do you know you are tired?” She asked again. I answered that I was working hard but not realising the results and outcomes I desired. Then she said, “What would you lose if you took some days off away from us and your husband?” We are old enough to take care of ourselves. Just go for three to four days. Go for a private retreat to pamper yourself. Do what you know best: pray, reflect on your life, listen to what your inner voice tells you, and come back rested, refreshed, and refuelled. That was the turning point for me. I did a lot of praying, reading, and reflecting. Together with reading my Bible, one other book that helped to create an internal shift was “The Law of Attraction,” by Esther and Jerry Hicks. I identified what I term “the hedges” in my way. Those things—people, beliefs, behaviours, choices—were standing in the way of me loving myself. I learned the art of shifting focus and attention away from the things that drained me and toward those that ignited me. I adopted the “eighty to twenty percent rule,” using twenty percent of my time and energy to achieve eighty percent of the outcomes and fulfilment. I created my own pathway to loving myself through my thoughts, choices, and behaviour. 29
“MRS. HARRIETTE AMISSAH-ARTHUR is an engineer and the executive partner and cofounder of Arthur Energy Advisors (AEA), with over 30 years of energy sector experience in the public, private, and development sectors. For nearly 20 years, she worked in various senior positions at the Volta River Authority (VRA) and partnered with a number of national and international organisations as the Director of the Kumasi Institute of Technology, Energy, and Environment (KITE) to design, fundraise, and implement projects in Ghana and the ECOWAS Sub-regions, as well as Ghana’s first energy for poverty reduction action plan. She is resolute, determined, and thriving in a male-dominated sector of the economy, as well as stepping into all areas of greatness because she believes that the sky is only the beginning and not the end in terms of accomplishments. Harriette Amissah-Arthur holds a BSc (Hons) in Electrical and Electronic Engineering and a Masters in Business Administration.” I know Adoley would ask how I met her so I go ahead to tell how I met Harriette. “I met Harriette through a mutual friend of ours. That friend had invited me to speak at an annual event organised by Harriette in which a speaker would be invited to speak to her family on a topic. I chose the topic, “Knowing Yourself.” The one-hour interactive presentation went so well with her sons and their friends that it opened the door to coaching sessions with Harriette and her family. Harriette knew the power and value of coaching, and she invested in ensuring that each member of her family benefited from the one year of coaching. I became and am still her family coach, a title I am honoured to bear. Incidentally, she bears the name of my oldest sister, Mrs. Harriet Aduamoah, so I suddenly found myself calling her “older sister.” One of the things I like about her is her ability to boldly correct or commend me whenever the need arises. Her faith in my expertise and her support in enhancing aspects of my professional life are incredible. Harriette is an avid reader and would not hesitate to recommend, order, or give me her own copy of a book if she felt it would add value to me and my work. Thank you, Harriette!” Adoley is rapidly blinking now, the movement of her false lashes making her look absolutely comical. “Okaywhat now?” I ask, andshe stops blinkingandsmiles.What acomedian. “How about Mrs. Amissah-Arthur, who is she?” “All that blinking for this short question?” I ask, exhaling loudly and saying, 30
“ Scan to view the video interview with Sika Twum and ING. Harriette Amissah-Arthur I am the creator and author of my life and story if I will take continual ownership and responsibility for my life. ING. Harriette Amissah-Arthur Co- Founder And Executive Partner Of Arthur Energy Advisors 31
“So Adoley, what other colours are in the rainbow?” “Indigo,” she says kind of impatiently as if to ask, “isn’t this question for nursery schoolers?” “And what does Indigo remind you of,” I ask, ignoring her demeanour. Actually, I am having a good time at her expense. Indigo The sturdy base of the strong mid-evening sky. a powerful backdrop against which celestial objects like the moon, stars, and heavenly comets would set in glowing colours. The mid-evening sky was cool and sure of itself. It evokes confidence, a sheer determination of spirit, and an unshakable dependability. The colour of the sky is “indigo,” a rich combination of blue and purple. Of blue, a colour associated with self-reliance and strength; and purple, of nobleness, knowledge, and royalty. Indigo. It brings to mind the robustness of a pair of jeans. Thanks, Adoley, you couldn’t have described it better. Indigo is a combination of blue and purple. While blue is a natural confidence booster and is associated with independence and stability, purple is associated with peace, royalty, ambition, and luxury. We believe that by embodying their authentic confidence, one begins to capture people’s attention more easily and with little effort. The ratio of women to men in middle management in many large companies is often 50/50. Confidence seems to be the primary reason why many women do not go beyond middle management to the top echelons of companies. Confidence does not imply certainty that everything will turn out perfectly every time. It is a skill that is learned, and it involves mastery of what it takes to go after what you want, knowing that you have the ability to embrace, dismantle, build, create, implement, celebrate (the outcomes), course correct, and stay resilient. In this module, we adopt our 7-Dozen Storytelling Approach to support you in mapping out what you want, what it takes to get there, what you have, what holds you back, what you choose to shift, and how to create the pathway to embody your authentic confidence. My journey to embody confidence started when I lived in Nigeria, first as a student at the University of Port Harcourt and later as a personnel and public relations officer for Francis Bruce Ltd. I had grown up in a sheltered home where my parents took care of us and met all our needs like a hawk and its chickens. My work with Francis Bruce Ltd involved having to supervise the work of the staff in his company, all of whom were men (as it was a construction company), marketing his company to get construction deals, and preparing his schedules. Trust Nigerians; my boss expected so much from me. He demanded that I work above and beyond my job description. I certainly earned every naira I was paid. However, it led to me embodying so much confidence, grit, and courage that when I decided to return to Ghana after three years of working with him, he was resistant, as were his staff. Embodying authentic confidence has helped me a lot in life, particularly when I took the decision to resign from Ghana International School (where I was the school counsellor) to set up and run Self Search Ghana Ltd. But for the confidence to push through in spite of all the challenges, I would have given up by now. I could market my business, manage my staff, present my service with confidence, and get the market. There was and is no one I am afraid to meet if there is a need to do so. Looking back now, I realise that lack of confidence would have kept me pursuing a job for which I had lost enthusiasm. I 32
? QUESTIONS TO PONDER Do you believe a lack of confidence has stolen a great opportunity from you? What steps can you take to embody authentic confidence? would never have pursued my dream or expanded beyond what I had been offered. My secret to staying resilient is constant prayer, course correction, constantly affirming myself, and focusing on the vision. Embodying authentic confidence Module 3 33
“ “Life is a road, and we are the drivers to our destiny. We may have green lights, red lights, and amber. We may have road blocks, U-turns and junctions which impact the journey, but ultimately we are the ones who can arrive at our destiny destination!” H.E. Josephine Nkrumah Former Chairperson Of The National Commission For Civic Education (NCCE), Now ECOWAS Resident Representative, Liberia 34
“Sika, there is a Josephine Nkrumah among the speakers, who is she?” I sharpen my mouth as usual as I begin to tell her about Josephine. “Josephine Nkrumah is a Ghanaian lawyer and currently serves as ECOWAS Ambassador to Liberia. She graduated from the University of Ghana, Legon, with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Law and French. She was admitted to the Ghana Bar in February 1997. She also holds a Master of Laws (LLM) degree from the International Maritime Law Institute (IMO), Malta, specialising in maritime law. Josephine Nkrumah is passionate about democratising her country, Ghana, and the African continent at large. Prior to her appointment to ECOWAS, she was the deputy chair of the National Commission for Civic Education (NCCE), which was promoted to chairperson by then-President John Dramani Mahama in 2016. Josephine Nkrumah founded the law firm Lumens Veritals Law before joining the NCCE in 2016 as the Deputy Chairperson in charge of Finance and Administration.” “I will tell you how I met her,” I say, as her curious eyes begin to open wide. Cool, calm, and collected, Josephine. I was invited by a friend to give a Zoom presentation to a women’s group, of which Josephine was a member. I spoke on “Breaking through Your Invisible Blocks.” When I was done, Josephine took my number from the hostess and called me days later, reminding me of the talk and asking to see me. We scheduled a time and met at Villa Montecillo at the Airport Residential Area. There, we had a long chat, after which Josie scheduled twelve sessions with me. Our first three sessions never lasted the hourly paid session; they lasted two to three hours! I was intentional about holding space for her to talk, dream, cry, laugh together, and create her own pathway. I admired her for her readiness and preparation. Each time she would come with her journal, where she had recorded her reflections after each session, shifts, actions to be taken, and plans and key points she wanted to process. By the end of the twelve sessions, she had catapulted to a different level of assertiveness, confidence, and boldness. She also had great clarity of purpose. Our relationship then took a different turn and grew to that of a sister friend. 35
Walking out into the garden, I examine the flowers and Adoley says, “yellow is another colour one can find in the rainbow.” “And what do you see when you think of yellow” I ask. Yellow A sudden dash of brightness an array of lovely sunflowers, their necks sticking out like swooning ladies dying to be noticed. Like beautifully dressed ladies, their bright, sunny disposition exuded such confidence and warmth. If I were a flower, I would be a sunflower. Any day. A flock of canaries fly right past me, their bright Owning my voice and visibility Module 4 36
? How often have you felt uneasy making a contribution at a meeting or sharing your thoughts, needs, and feelings with significant others even though you had a strong yearning to do so? The fear of not saying it right, of your feelings and needs not being taken seriously or simply being rejected, has kept you holding yourself back for years. When have you felt that, in spite of all the effort you put into your work, you are not noticed or promoted? You feel invisible—unnoticed, overused, and undervalued. The truth is that you cannot keep quiet and expect to be heard, and you cannot hide and expect to be seen. Did you know that your inability to own your voice and visibility stems from old patterns in your life that have held you back? These old patterns inform the choices you make, the decisions you have taken, and how you behave, which reinforces the outcomes you get. 1. You will go through “sourcing practices” to unlock the patterns that have held you back from becoming your best self. 2. The 4-step formula for breaking through those patterns 3. The skills and capacities that will enable you to get the outcomes you want from your communication with people 4. Prepare to walk through doors of opportunities that only having a voice and visibility can bring to you. Having trained as a teacher and being somewhat extroverted, talking and joking was my favourite pastime. In fact, I have often been commended for being an excellent public speaker, so for me, that was what voice and visibility were about. It wasn’t until my mid-forties that I realised I was often hesitant to express my opinion on issues in professional settings. I was constantly second-guessing myself. Also, I was constantly resisting any attempt to articulate my achievements or contributions, for fear that it would be seen as arrogance. It was then that I realised that there was more to owning one’s voice and visibility than I thought. As a counsellor and a coach, I have learned to apply these two qualities in ways that harness my own growth and that of others. In my 30 years of professional practice, I have helped all of my coaching clients find their voice and visibility. This has included people who were afraid to make contributions in their workplace, those who were afraid to speak in public and before large crowds, others who could not share their feelings and needs with their loved ones, people who felt they were not enough and did not want to be seen, those who wished to articulate major decisions to their superiors but did not knowhow, and those who needed tomarket themselves appropriately to shift fromwhere they found themselves to open up to the opportunities they yearned for. In my family, I have supported all three of my children, Gifty Addobea Twum (a contract and compliance legal writer and an expert in international business law and arbitration), Natalie Fort (a broadcast journalist and news anchor), and Daniel Ohene Twum (an architect), to own their voices and visibility, step into their destiny contributions, and become impactful in society. QUESTIONS TO PONDER What is your voice? How do you hone that voice to create the visibility you need to excel and impact the space you have been provided? yellow feathers likewell-tailored clothing, their delightful chirps holding volumes of coded gossip. Lemons are in full bloom, hanging off trees like Chinese lanterns, giving off images of well-lit streets. Pollen dust sweeps across the streets, beckoning to butterflies and bees. Yellow-colored fish adorn the aquarium, adding a touch of magic to the pure, clear water. Most of all, the sun smiles from the sky, giving off warmth and hope, bright and clear as yellow can be. Sure, Adoley. The colour yellow is associated with optimism, energy, joy, and intellect. Owning your voice and visibility evokes these qualities while brightening up the spaces in which you present yourself. 37
Ohene, Addobea, Natalie Fort 38
In my family, I have supported all three of my children, Gifty Addobea Twum (a contract and compliance legal writer and an expert in international business law and arbitration), Natalie Fort (a broadcast journalist and news anchor), and Daniel Ohene Twum (an architect), to own their voices and visibility, step into their destiny contributions, and become impactful in society. 39
We pause to take a break and Adoley is busy examining her nails. For someone who types so fast, it surprises me that her nails are still so intact. And I must give it to her nail artist, her nails are cute and classy. Unlike her scary lashes. “Joyce, it seems I have heard of this Yawa Hansen-Kwao. Doesn’t she work with women’s groups?” “Exactly Adoley. You are right.” “For over a decade, YAWA HANSEN-QUAO has nurtured youth empowerment, women’s leadership, and social entrepreneurship in Africa. Through the Leading Ladies Network, Yawa has fostered an ecosystem of women and girls who have ambitious goals, strong character, and resolve to serve as impactful leaders in business, civil society, and government. In May 2012, at the World Economic Forum on Africa, Yawa was recognised as one of Africa’s rising leaders, and in 2016, she was awarded an Eisenhower Fellowship in honour of her pioneering work nurturing emerging women leaders. In addition to being a founder, speaker, and author, Yawa served for three years on the World Economic Forum’s Global Shapers Foundation board and is currently a director at Ashesi University, a leading liberal arts university in Ghana. She previously served as a leadership consultant to UNWomen, helping to develop leadership curricula to enhance the capacity of women leaders in East and Southern Africa. Additionally, Yawa served for two years as a member of the Advisory Board of the Women’s Institute for Global Leadership at Benedictine University.” “Wow. How did you meet her?” “Yawa discovered me while reading Rev. Akua Ofori Boateng’s book “Broken For Use.” In the book, Rev. Akua indicated the shifts that occurred in her life from our coaching sessions. Yawa was going through major transitions in her life and needed to engage a coach. She did some research on me, went on my company Self Search’s website www.selfsearchgh.org, got my phone number, and calledme. That was the beginning of our coaching sessions. Till today, we both believe it was divine intervention. As prayerful as Yawa is, God had to come through in one way or another. Our sessions challenged her meaning, helped her make frames, and broke through her old beliefs that were not serving her well. She learned how to create her own truth statements and behaviours and followed through with actions that aligned with them. In less than six sessions, I was seeing and experiencing a completely transformed Yawa. She began sharing her reflections, acknowledging her gains, and creating destiny pathways that resulted in positive outcomes in both her personal and professional lives. She had become a master at the game of transformation. Coaching had yielded positive results, and we saw the areas we could leverage from each other. Together, we co-created training and coaching programmes for organisations, and we called on each other for professional support when there was a need. Participating in programmes organised by her, one thing was evident: that growth is ongoing and that the willingness to open up greater possibilities for oneself is a choice one must make for themselves.” 40
Scan to view the video interview with Sika Twum and Yawa Hansen-Quo “ You are exactly who you need to be, to do what God has called you to do in this world. Be inspired by others, but don’t ever make the mistake of thinking they are better than you. Nobody can be better than you! Yawa Hansen-Quao Founder Of Leading Ladies’ Network 41
“Of all the colours in the rainbow, my favourite is violet,” Adoley says. “That was one of the colours I used for my wedding.” “Oh,” I reply. “And what do you think of when you see the colour violet?” Violet Of lilacs, violets, and lavenders of blackberries, elderberries, and grapes hanging down in clusters. Of aubergines, butterflies and birds in different hues of violet. Shades of violet are soothing and refreshing. Of course, Adoley. Violet connotes a feeling of empathy, selflessness, and sensitivity toward others. When these qualities are ignited, not only does one begin to see the needs of others, but they also open themselves up to connect and co-create with others. Do you know that a broom tied together sweeps better than a single broom stick? As women, relationships are important to us, from healthy spousal relationships to relationships with children, family members, friends, and colleagues at work. At times, we define our worth by the quality of our relationships. Past self-sacrificing relationships may have left you feeling overused, untrusting of people, and isolated. This module is the difference-maker in building strong, nurturing, and growthoriented relationships that keep you creating rewarding possibilities in different areas of your life. After all, the deeper truth is that everything you need to manifest in life comes through people. Personal power is insufficient. This module takes you through powerful practices to: 1. Break free from deep patterns of isolation. 2. Step into empowered relationships with yourself, others, and life itself. 3. Manifest through the portal of relationships 4. Build a field of support with people who mirror and amplify who you are becoming. 5. Build your connection funnel and create a rewarding pathway to fulfillment. I grew up in a closely knit nuclear family, where we were brought up to build strong bonds with our nuclear family members. This resulted in closeness with my siblings. We were friends with each other, gossip partners, and confidants. My mother used to say that the only people she could gossip with were her children. That was the extent of our closeness. This is the kind of relationship I have with my children. We draw a lot of strength from each other. Addobea, the firstborn, is the critical thinker in the home. She analyses everything to the letter, guided by her legal background. She is the one I turn to for advice when I get myself into a business bind. I turn to Natalie for counselling and encouragement. She has this way of brokering peace and advising you without judgement. When I need spiritual upliftment and the honest truth on an issue, I turn to my son, Ohene, an architect. Though he is only twenty-three, he demonstrates such diplomacy and mature thinking. I would venture to say that this module of connecting with other people’s strengths to co-create has made the Becoming My Best Self coaching package a reality. I was motivated by the number of impactful women I have gotten to know over the past few years and their contributions to this coaching package make it all special. 42
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