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Content Soldier, Soldier Love is in the Air Finally, Kidiboobs! Civilian Recruit 14 18 25 18 32 How it all started 7 3 The Birthday Journal
Brand new Kumasi boy in Nzema, I had never seen the sea before. H-e-r-h! It was nice, blue, and big! Everything my brother and I saw made us go, h-e-r-h! I wandered along the seashore with big eyes, taking it all in, so that I could brag to my cousins when I returned. Along the shore, tall coconut trees were lined up, with their firm, green coconuts. Occasionally, my brother, our friends, and I would stop to stuff our pockets with empty shells or try to catch baby crabs as they came out of the big holes on the shore, hoping to show them off to our friends in Kumasi. Canoes and boats lined the shore, many of them with inscriptions like ‘Tadi Showboy,’ ‘True seaman,’ ‘Man must chop,’ ‘The downfall of a man is not the end of his life,’ and ‘Don’t mind your wife.’ “Agyemang, see howhigh I can jump!” I shouted at my brother, waiting for a big wave to come so I could jump in. This was my most heroic move, while tiny children, some as young as two or Bon three years old, boldly swam in what I considered to be a deeper part of the sea. I was 8 years old, and my parents had decided that we would spend the vacation in Nzema, where their family friends had a holiday home. While wandering off with my brother and some friends to the beach, I swam, enjoying the feel of the water against my skin, played catch with my friends, ran along the shoreline, built sand castles, felt the sweet cool breeze sweep across my face, and tasted the salty water sometimes entering my mouth. By the time we were ready to leave, I felt sorry. I wished the day would never end, but the tide was coming in fast. Still feeling exhilarated and somewhat intoxicated with excitement, I ventured towards the long line of palm trees, barely hearing the warning of an older acquaintance to walk on the sand and not under the palm trees. Before I knew what was happening, it felt as if my legs were heavy. Eh?What was happening to me? I tried to lift my leg, but instead of coming up, it sank deeper into the mud. I looked at the others, but they were walking fine. By now, my sneakers were filling with mud, and I was literally sinking. I looked at the elderly acquaintance, my eyes pleading for help, but he looked away fromme, mumbling loudly that he hadwarnedme. (I never quite forgave that acquaintance, even feeling somewhat indifferent when many years later, he had a stroke, - God forgive me). It was a good thing I hadn’t realized the danger I was in because I would have panicked. Soon, a group of fishermen, spurred on by the frantic shouting of my brother and friends, ran towards me and skillfully pulled me out with a board. I lost one of my sneakers. Perhaps this experience should have given me an inkling that I would one day make a fine soldier. A SHANT I SHOW B OY 4 The Birthday Journal
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At the Jewish Hospital in Brooklyn, New York, on October 11th, 1973, I made my grand entrance into the world, loudly announcing my arrival as if someone had swiped my millions. My dad, Augustus Osei-Tutu (nowNana DarkoMpra II and Senior Linguist to Otumfour Osei Tutu), beamed How It All Started with pride as he proclaimed, “That is a healthy boy!” My mother, Agatha Osei-Tutu, cradled her bouncing baby boy, the third of her sons. When I was three years old, we returned to Ghana, and my earliest memories are fromAsokwa, where we settled. My childhood was a joy, surrounded by uncles, aunties, and cousins from both my father’s and mother’s sides who would visit and never seem to leave. My parents embraced this communal lifestyle, and our house was always filled with activity. There were many times when people dropped by just as food was being served, and we gladly shared our meals with them. Our paternal grandmother lived with us, a lively old woman who, at the impressive age of 84, remained healthy and alert. Our neighbors would sometimes try to evade her when they saw her standing in front of our house because she had an uncanny ability to engage in 7 The Birthday Journal
endless conversations. The loss of my grandmother was a profound experience for me as it was my first encounter with the death of a close loved one. She passed away at the remarkable age of 94 or 95, and her death, though not entirely unexpected due to her age, was sudden because of her exceptional health. On Christmas evening, she had requested her oldest granddaughter to stay with her, and tragically, she passed away in the early hours of the morning, shortly after asking for a glass of water. This event served as a stark reminder of the fragility of life, even in the face of someone’s enduring health and longevity. Our dad was quite liberal, especially with us boys but he kept a closer eye on our sisters Osem, Gyamfuaa, Maame Ama Gyamfuaa, Vera, Maame Dufie, Nana Owusua and Nyarko. I began my educational journey at Shamrock Daycare before moving on to kindergarten and eventually the University Primary School at KNUST. 8 The Birthday Journal
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“Bonsu, you will attend Kumasi High School,” my dad declared as he filled out my forms after my Common Entrance exam. It didn’t seem like a big issue to me, especially since the school was just a ten or fifteen-minute walk from our home. Unlike my two older brothers, who had gone to OpokuWare School, my dad had a specific plan for me. First, the land where Kumasi High School was situated had been donated by my grandmother, who had been the QueenMother of Gyinase. Secondly, my father served as the Chairman of the School Board, and he believed that at least one of his sons should attend the school. “Please register him in House 1 (Kusikyi),” my father instructed when we collected my prospectus. This house was named after my father’s mother and her stool. I had a wonderful time at Kumasi High School, where not many wealthy kids attended. This made me stand out, especially because my dad would visit often. Initially, people associated me with my mother’s popular boutique, ‘Mirror, Mirror,’ in Kumasi. It took some time before they realized who my father was and started treating me differently. However, my upbringing had taught me to remain humble, and I didn’t let the newfound attention go to my head. I developed a deep love for Math and Science during my school years, fueled by my aspiration to become a plastic surgeon, inspired by a movie I watched called ‘Return to Eden.’ The film featured a plastic surgeon who fell in love with a girl with a disfigured face and later performed a successful operation on her. During a vacation between Form Four and Form Five, I traveled to Germany with my dad and sister (Osem). I worked during our time there and returned somewhat wealthier. I came back a week late, and people quickly realized that I had traveled abroad, making me even more popular. My friends and I enjoyed spending the money on various forms of entertainment. In the first term of Form Five, my friends and I decided to attend a funfair at a popular girls’ school in Kumasi. With my parents away at a funeral, I had the brilliant idea of taking my dad’s old Ford Cobra. I convinced my older cousin to drive. Quickly dressing up, we left home, picking up about six of our friends on the way. Midway through our journey, which was on a very rough road, ‘ka-ka-ka-ka-ka,’ we heard a scraping sound, and then the car screeched to a stop. My happiness dwindled. What was happening? Getting down to check, we realized that the exhaust pipe was torn. Goosebumps rose all over my body, and my palms began to sweat, especially when fire began to come out of the engine area. By this time, I was thinking about the fire service. “Open the bonnet!” “Open the bonnet!” My friends cried out, and my older cousin quickly rushed back into the car and pulled the lever. Then we bravely opened the bonnet and managed to put the fire out. Now the problemwas how to get a tow vehicle to take the car home. “Don’t worry about that, I will organize it,” my cousin said, so we left him and set off for the funfair, only for him to come later to tell us that he had not been able to get a towing car. My heart flew into my mouth. Did it mean that the car would have to remain by the roadside until the next morning? When I got home, I sneaked quietly into the house, hoping that my dad would not bring up the topic. In the morning, my cousin informed his father, who was my dad’s brother. I remember my uncle asking us to hide behind the gate and not come out until he had spoken with my father. The way my heart was beating. Interestingly, my dad reacted lightly, calling someone to tow the car home, but my momwas mad. TEEN ADVENTURE S 10 The Birthday Journal
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We chorused loudly to Heavy D’s nineties hit. The place was buzzing, drinks were flowing, there was a lot of shouting and dancing, and food was in abundance. I was on the dance floor, dancing my heart out. A short while later, all my friends gathered around me and cheered me on, “Go Bonsu!” “Go Bonsu!” “Go Bonsu!” The atmosphere was electric. I had organized this party for over two hundred people to mark my going abroad; after all, that seemed to be the tradition in my family. My first brother had finished his O-levels and traveled abroad that same year to join the military, the same with my second “Now that we’ve found love, what are we gonna do with it?” “Now that we’ve found love, what are we gonna do with it?” “After O’s – Somewhere there is a party going on” older brother. Naturally, this was the pattern, so I convinced my mother to allowme to hold a goingaway party. That was in June. By July, I was still in Ghana. Ei. Sometime around mid-July, I asked my mother, “When would I be leaving Ghana?” “Talk to your dad,” she said, so I asked my dad. “What is the rush?” He asked. In my head, the rush was, “I just had a going-away party in June, and I’m still in Ghana.” Sometime in August, friends started asking, “When are you leaving Ghana?” We were in September, and I was still hanging around Ghana, with no plan or schedule, which meant I couldn’t frequent town too often. I felt like going to hide in my father’s wardrobe. In late September, I asked my mum again about my travel plans, and she replied, “You had the going-away party, so you should have your travel plans.” At that moment, I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh. Eish! Eventually, in October of that year, my mum informed me that I would be traveling with her to London for a few days, after which I would head to Germany. How relieved I was! You would think that I had learned my lesson! Instead of sitting down quietly, I asked my mom if I could organize a mini-party before I left. Looking at me and shaking her head in disbelief, she said sarcastically, “Talk to your dad.” At that point, I knew the mini-going away party wasn’t happening. I finally left Ghana at the end of October 1991. 12 The Birthday Journal
The atmosphere was electric. I had organized this party for over two hundred people to mark my going abroad “ 13 The Birthday Journal
, Soldier Actually, it was not my intention to pursue a military career. I just figured I could use it to pass the time until I decided what I really wanted to do. It gave me a sense of purpose. Besides, basic training was kind of difficult but the camaraderie with others made it exciting. 14 The Birthday Journal
I arrived in Germany in mid-November 1991 and began working at a US military base exactly 10 days after my arrival. My uncle, Nana Akom, who I lived with while in Germany along with his wife and my cousins, had already found me a job to ensure I wouldn’t be idling around the house. My initial thought at that moment was to earn money, and I had no immediate intention of pursuing my education (attributed to laziness and a desire for freedom). As I strolled around the military base in Frankfurt, Germany, where I had gone to shop, my attention was casually drawn to the Recruiting Station within the military shopping area. So, I entered it, curious to learn more about the military. It was nothing serious, but after having a chat with the recruiter, who provided me with all the necessary information, I shrugged and said, “Let me think about it.” Later, I bought the ASVAB book, started studying, took the test in December 1993, and the rest is history. I joined the military. My brother, Agyemang, was also at the Frankfurt base; he took the test a month after I did. We attended basic training, and we graduated at the same time, proceeding to advanced training together in the same location. I did go home briefly to Ghana before coming to Germany to prepare to fly to South Carolina to start basic training though. I remember telling my dad about my decision to join the military. The look in his eyes was like, “So this one is finally beginning to get some sense.” Actually, it was not my intention to pursue a military career. I just figured I could 15 The Birthday Journal
use it to pass the time until I decided what I really wanted to do. It gave me a sense of purpose. Besides, basic training was kind of difficult but the camaraderie with others made it exciting. I completed my Basic Military Training at Fort Jackson, SC from April to June 1994 and continued with my specialized training in Logistics and Supply Chain at Gregg-Adams, VA (formerly known as Fort Lee). After my training, I was assigned to Camp Humphreys, Korea, for a 12-month rotation. I arrived in Korea in September of 1994, a month before my 21st birthday. There, I began my college education at the University of Maryland Global Campus (Asia). I used the opportunity to travel through most parts of Korea and engage in numerous folk festivals. After 9 months stationed in Korea, I received permanent change of station orders to relocate to Fort Jackson, SC as a logistics specialist. This was supposed to be a relaxed 3-year assignment, but I requested a change to my orders because I wanted to join the most Elite Aviation Command in the Army, which supported all four military services’ Special Operators: the 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment (Night Stalkers), which was portrayed in the movie Black Hawk Down. This request for the change was a surprise and a very unpopular one. At the age of 21, I guess I had no fear and enjoyed the thrill. I was accepted into the organization where I spent 4 excellent years jumping out of planes and helicopters, rappelling off towers, and spending long nights living in the woods. While at Fort Campbell, I had a decision to make, either complete my three years of initial enlistment or re-enlist for an additional four years. This was a tough decision since I knew I wasn’t ready for the civilian world. I decided to re-enlist for 4 years. I asked my older brother Augustus, who was a 2nd Lieutenant at that time, to perform the enlistment ceremony. As part of my re-enlistment, I was offered a position at Princeton University to support the Army ROTC for three years. I arrived at Princeton in April 1999 and departed in June 2002. In between this time, my adult life changed from being single to meeting my wife. 16 The Birthday Journal
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We sat in the small yet elegant Italian restaurant in DC, gazing into each other’s eyes and whispering sweet nothings, savoring our delightful dinner and sipping on wine. Ewurama looked as beautiful as ever. I felt a slight nervousness about the decision I was making. Undoubtedly, it was the right one, but would she feel the same way about me? As our plates began to empty, the restaurant’s lights dimmed into a romantic glow, and soft, romantic music filled the room, creating the perfect atmosphere for what I was about to do. Then, the restaurant staff entered in a single file, wearing little smiles on their lips, as they brought dessert. I looked intently at Ewurama, and a look of surprise and uncertainty lit up her face, as if she wondered, ‘What is happening here?’ As soon as they set the dessert on the table, the light gently illuminated the delicately cut stones on the jewelry, causing them to sparkle. Ewurama let out a surprised sigh, her eyes lighting up. By the time she looked up, I was already kneeling by the table, asking her whether she would marry me. My heart pounded in my chest, my tongue a bit dry. What if I was wrong about the way she felt about me?What if she said no? I needn’t have worried because when I popped the question, the light in her eyes shone brighter, and she smiled shyly at me with so much love. By this time, the whole restaurant had fallen into pin-drop silence, and all eyes were on us. The level of anticipation in the air was about to burst. She heaved a small sigh, smiled again, and whispered, “Yes! Yes! I will marry you.” The whole place erupted in a loud cheer, and my heart exploded with joy. Lo is in the Air I needn’t have worried because when I popped the question, the light in her eyes shone brighter, and she smiled shyly at me with so much love. “ 18 The Birthday Journal
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Zooming back to the year 2000, my brother Kofi (Agingo) and his fiancée Melanie (Maame) decided to get married in Takoradi, Ghana, in July. During our stay at a hotel owned by the late Mrs. Justina Quayson, who would later become my mother-in-law, she mentioned that she had a daughter at Howard University. At that time, I didn’t think much of it, assuming she probably had a boyfriend. Fast forward to my return to New Jersey and my single life of packaged foods, and regularly getting shito from my sister-in-lawMelanie. One day in February 2001, Melanie invited me to Maryland to help her move from her apartment to their new home. When I arrived at her home, I walked upstairs and saw a beautiful lady wearing an orange Howard University T-shirt with jeans. I wondered how she knew that orange was my favorite color. We were introduced, and at that moment, I knew we were going to take this to the next level. Later, I asked her to ride with me in my Ford Explorer (big beige), not wasting any effort inquiring about a boyfriend. It didn’t matter because I was going to pursue her regardless. 20 The Birthday Journal
The next day, she returned toMelanie’s place, where my mumwas visiting in the US. My mum invited her to share lunch from the same plate, and she agreed. After lunch, we all sat in the living room. I sat next to her and eventually laid my head on her lap. She froze at my bold action, and I could sense her surprise. However, as the weekend continued, we got more comfortable talking to each other. We started talking for 2 to 3 hours daily, and we visited each other frequently. The long journey between New Jersey and DC seemed surprisingly short when we were driven by our growing connection and love for each other. On December 28, 2001, we made it official by getting married at the Upper Marlboro Courthouse. Twenty-two years later, we are still happily married and blessed with three wonderful boys. If I were asked to do it all over again, I would without hesitation. 21 The Birthday Journal
“Bra Bonsu, please come! Come quickly, please! Ewurama’s water broke!” It was one of Ewurama’s friends, Nana Aba Peters, who had come over for the weekend, and she sounded as if she were in tears. I froze. Her water broke? My heart sank, and I was so stunned. My head was spinning with questions. My body felt cold. She was only five months pregnant; how could her water break?Was it a miscarriage? Had we come all this way for nothing?Was the house we were rushing to complete so we would welcome the baby for nothing? Had we bought all those lovely baby clothes and toys for nothing? How were we going to explain this to friends and family? I can’t describe the level of disappointment I felt; it was like grasping at straws. All of a sudden, I thought of Ewurama; she needed me there at a time like this. I just hoped she was alright. Steeling myself, like the military man that I was, I rushed to the hospital. My wife looked shattered, the baby didn’t make it. So shattered that I even forgot my own pain. I hugged her and told her that it would be alright, that we would try again, and that God knew best. She cried forcefully, crying and crying, while I stayed strong and composed for her, even though I myself felt like crying. THE UNE XPECTED EMERGENCY Sob! Sob! Sob! Crying uncontrollably, I buried my face inmy hands. My sobs were violent and explosive, sending painful spasms through my body as my muscles contracted sharply as if I were being hollowed out. The pain in my chest felt like a thousand-ton truck had been placed on it, and I struggled to breathe. Attempting to steady myself and lower my voice so that Ewurama wouldn’t hear me, I hid my face in one of the small pillows, but the tears kept flowing, and mucus ran down my nose. Then a torrent of questions swirled inmy head, along with a desperate prayer to God: “Oh God! Why us? Why us?” The emotional pain of the miscarriage from a few months earlier was beginning to overwhelm me. During that miscarriage, I had tried to be strong for Ewurama because she was so vulnerable. I had put on a tough facade for her. Additionally, as Ashanti boys, we had been raised to believe that men didn’t cry, so I maintained a macho exterior and pretended that I was fine. Moreover, my military training had taught me to always be prepared for any eventuality, so I had tried to put that training into practice. However, deep inside me, turmoil was boiling, and I could no longer contain it. MEN CRY TOO 22 The Birthday Journal
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Ewurama came to visit me while I was in Korea for another 1-year tour. We spent three weeks traveling through the country, spending quality time at different hotels in different cities. After her three-week visit, she returned to the USA and back to work. After arriving in the US, she was back to her normal routine of working her 9-5 job, heading to the gym after work, and then back home to the lonely space. A few weeks after she returned, she had complained of feeling queasy and funny. We both knew what was happening. She was pregnant, but we talked about it to each other with uncertainty, afraid to be happy, not wanting to build any hope that would come dashing to the ground in a fewmonths. After five miscarriages, we had kind of stopped hoping, kind of lost confidence, that maybe we weren’t destined to be parents. As she neared twenty weeks, and while still in Korea, the doctors put her on bed rest, and a small fire of hope began to build in my chest. Was this baby destined to stay? Gradually, we began to build confidence about buying a baby crib here, feeding bottles there, soft baby toys here, and baby clothing there. Gradually, we allowed ourselves to smile when we talked about our baby, allowed ourselves to Finally, Kidiboobs! 25 The Birthday Journal
dream about the kind of parents we would be, began to tell friends and family that we were expecting; felt bold enough to have a baby shower. During the week of the planned baby shower, Ewurama was admitted to the hospital with minor complications and stayed in the hospital for 3 days. She was discharged and sent home on the day of her baby shower. We had a great support group in Fayetteville who helped her throughout the time I was away until I finally arrived on 21 Dec 2006. On 26 Jan 2007, Eli was born (5 weeks early). Once Eli was born, the floodgates were opened. Liamwas conceived as a slight surprise before Ewurama’s trip to Ghana. She noticed she was pregnant while in Ghana. On the day Liamwas born, I was in the gymworking out in the morning. Ewurama tried calling me, her friends were calling me, and even the gym called me on the speakers. Surprisingly, I didn’t look at my phone and didn’t even hear my name called until I got in my car and saw the 15-plus missed calls. I called Veronica (Eli’s Godmother), and she told me she was at the hospital with Ewurama and she was ready to deliver. Come and see speed! I drove at lightning speed! Liamwas born on 11 Dec 2008, six weeks before my deployment to Iraq. He was a serial “Cryer.” My mother-in-law came to visit shortly after Liamwas born. The boy cried for no reason. All I could think of at that moment was, “I can’t wait to deploy to Iraq so I can get a little bit more sleep.” I deployed to Iraq on 20 Jan 2009. In September of 2009, I traveled to Ghana where Ewurama, Eli, and Liam had been for about 5 months, and we had our Catholic Wedding in Takoradi. Our bonus baby, Nolan, was conceived in the USA and born at Hosmith Hospital inWiesbaden, Germany on 26 April 2011. Ewurama and Nolan spent 7 days in the hospital, in typical German fashion. Fortunately, my aunt, famously called Grandma Gina, was there to help take care of Nolan during his first weeks out of the hospital. Several months later, I experienced Nolan’s first steps, my first ever of all three kids. It was a lovely sight to see. 26 The Birthday Journal
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“A-k-w-a-a-b-a!” I exclaimed, rushing to hug my brother, Augustus, at the airport. It had been so long since I had last seen him, and my heart ached frommissing him. He had come with his wife (Netherlly) and children for a fortyeight-hour visit on their way to Ghana. Even though it was a short trip, we had the chance to tour a few castles and reconnect with family before they headed out to Ghana. It was so much fun! During our stay in Germany, we did a lot of traveling. We had the opportunity to visit Italy, Austria, Switzerland, Luxembourg, France, and other cities throughout Germany. In April 2014, we embarked on a road trip, driving two cars through Germany and into Mons, Belgium. In 2015, my brother-inlaw, Junior Q, and his family joined us on a trip to the Czech Republic for a 6-day tour. With our three boys and Junior’s two boys, it was a vacation to remember. Exploring the new town and old town of Prague was amazing. It was a great time to see the boys hanging out in the hotel lobbies, pairing up and engaging in conversations about anything and everything you could think of. This marked the beginning of our great adventure in Europe. The boys were now old enough to appreciate the beauty of the continent (or so we thought). We traveled through most of Western Europe. In 2017, our friends, the Acquahs, made a trip to visit us inMarch. Victor, Emelia, Julian, and Spencer stayed for 10 days. During their visit, we traveled to Poland for Polish Pottery shopping, spent a day in Berlin, and toured Poland for a few days once the shopping was done. Before the Poland trip, we drove to Paris (a 2.5-hour drive) and spent the entire day there. On our way back from Poland, we stopped in Cologne, Germany, to tour the city. A few days after returning to Belgium, we drove to Bruges (known as the Venice of the North). All the boys fell in love with the city. Traveling and Family Bonding 29 The Birthday Journal
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October 2018, I sat on the bed with Ewurama, laying out my plans for the future. “I feel it’s time for me to retire,” I said. She looked at me quietly in her wise way as I outlined my fears. The problemwas that I was due for reassignment, but I had had enough of it. The boys didn’t need to be traveling around so often; they needed stability. Besides, Ewurama loved the DMV area. “You are wise,” she replied. “You always think through your decisions before you make them. I am sure you will make a good decision.” A few days after our discussion, I started working on my retirement documentation. In November 2018, I submitted the retirement packet, which was approved in December 2018. That’s when the panic started kicking in. I had been in this organized world of the military for too long and had never attended an interview; it was like jumping into an unknown world. Thankfully, I went through the retirement transition successfully, worked on my resume, and in July 2019, I started interviewing for civilian jobs. To my surprise, I had more job offers in one week than I even thought possible. I accepted and started my first job in August 2019, 45 days before my final retirement. I have enjoyed every bit of this first retirement, and I couldn’t have imagined this outcome. I now knowmy military experience prepared me very well for this moment. Army Veteran 31 The Birthday Journal
“Hello.” “Hello, this isBonsu. Iamcalling torequest anupdateonmy interview.” “Oh sorry, Mr. Bonsu,” the person at the end of the line replied, “I have been down with Covid,” he said, proceeding to tell me all about his symptoms and how he was only just beginning to get back his sense of smell. I was a bit nervous, but I went straight to the point; “Did I get the job or not?” “Sorryagain, Bonsu, andcongratulations. Youbeat outmore than three hundred applicants. The job is yours, and we can start negotiations.” How relieved I felt. Almost a month before this call, I had been sitting in my study when ‘ping,’ a notification popped up on LinkedIn.com for my career specialty from a company I had always wanted to work at. Looking at the advert, I realized that three hundred and fifteen people had already applied for it. Should I apply for this job? Shouldn’t I? Shrugging, I thought tomyself, “There is no harm in giving it a try.” I even submitted my resume without updating it because I thought it was a long shot to get an opportunity to interview. Seven days after I applied for the post, I received an email from the recruiter to schedule an interview. How surprising. After that, I was invited for four more interviews. Ten days later, I still hadn’t heard from the recruiter, prompting me to call him myself, and here he was, telling me that I had beaten over three hundred people to get the job. I tell this story to my boys, nieces, nephews, and kids of our friends that you should never count yourself out. If there’s a 0.1% chance for an opportunity, don’t let it pass you by. I took a shot at a 0.003 opportunity and won. Civilian Recruit 32 The Birthday Journal
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My Dear Ohene Nana, You have taught me so much more than I could ever imagine. Your patience is unlike any I’ve ever experienced. I look at you each and every day, and I ask myself how! How could I have gotten so lucky? What did I do to deserve such a spiritual, loving, generous, patient, funny, honest, and amazing man? I guess somewhere down the road, I must have done something right. Our story began when you met my mother in July 2000 in Ghana. Mothers have a way of seeing something special and saying SOMETHING! Little did we know that this would set the stage for something truly wonderful. The real magic happened in February 2001 when I was visiting a dear sister of mine, who happens to be married to your brother. At the time, you were a young soldier in the army, and I had my own preconceived notions about men in uniforms. But, to my pleasant surprise, I quickly realized how wrong I was. You were funny, confident, and undeniably handsome. I was utterly smitten. You were stationed at Princeton University in New Jersey, which marked the beginning of our weekly journeys on the turnpike. We grew fond of each other, but I had a secret weapon up my sleeve. As they say, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. So, I activated my Fante culinary skills, and most weekends, I cooked up a storm. With a car filled with an assortment of delicious food, I’d hit the turnpike, and those journeys were filled with long conversations, laughter, and the deepening of our connection. When my roommate asked me to describe you, I compared you to our favorite dish at the Chinese restaurant: juicy, crispy, sweet, sour, and spicy! We’d stay up talking into the wee hours of the morning, even though I had graduate school commitments. Despite the challenges, I knew I had made the right choice. We all know cooking is not your strong suit. As a young adult, you often resorted to convenient options like packaged chicken voila, with a different flavor each day. During my pregnancy with our oldest, I had a strong craving for sautéed cabbage. You gallantly offered to prepare it for me, and I trusted you in the kitchen while I rested on the couch. When you proudly served your dish, I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Honey,” I said, “thank you for trying, but you’ve made sautéed iceberg lettuce!” It showcased your willingness to embrace new challenges, even in cooking. My Confidant, you have such a big heart for our family. When we first met, I observed your relationship with your mother, and I knew you were a keeper. Despite your busy life as a military man and a father, you carefully planned your every move. Even when you were out of the country, regardless of the time zone difference, you would call and speak to all of us before our days began and ended. I could hear the weariness in your voice at times, but you never 35 The Birthday Journal
missed those calls. Sometimes, you would even call from mid-air. I always thought that I was the spiritual pillar of our new family. During a difficult period in our lives, when we struggled with miscarriages, you turned to faith and assured me that God knew best. Your strength and support carried us through. It was during this time that I truly understood the depth of your faith and the importance of God’s plan. My Best Friend, your legacy is one of laughter, light-heartedness, hard work, and balance. You believe that life is too short to worry about trivial matters and encourage those around you to live life to the fullest. You exemplify the importance of maintaining a harmonious equilibrium in life. Bonsu, what an incredible journey this has been so far. As you embark on this new chapter, I pray that your wisdom, love, and knowledge continue to grow. Almost 23 years ago, we decided to embark, explore, and experiment with something new. Oh, what an adventure it has been! We have traversed this beautiful world in our short lives. Our journey has been beautiful, hectic, emotional, educational, and an adventure. I also know there’s more to come and we can only soar higher from here on. To our amazing and wonderful boys, Eli, Liam, and Nolan, you have been nothing but present selflessly. Your guidance and dedication to them will undoubtedly shape them into productive members of society. As they grow older, I confidently want them to emulate you. You are a true example of a father. Thank you! Danke! Gansahabnida! Merci! Dekuji! Dziekuje! Obrigado! Frazier! Bedankt! Medase paaaa!!! Happy birthday my Love! May the Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. Numbers 6:24–26 Love, Ewurama 36 The Birthday Journal
Life is filled with ups and downs, and these experiences of success and failure are meant to either strengthen or weaken us. I firmly believe that the outcome of our experiences is determined by our choices. Throughout my life, both in my military career and civilian life, I have encountered successes and failures, be it through injuries, promotions, or denied job offers. In 2004, shortly after experiencing our first miscarriage, I was emotionally drained and found myself crying uncontrollably. I found myself facing a unique challenge. While dealing with the emotional pain of our loss, a physical issue emerged. I was seated in our living room when I suddenly felt a slight pull in my back as I attempted to stand up and walk to the kitchen. To my astonishment, I couldn’t walk; the pain was excruciating. I had to crawl. Fear and worry immediately flooded my mind. We had just lost a baby at five months, and now I couldn’t walk. Despite the intense pain, I needed to hide it from Ewurama to prevent her from panicking. With great effort, I managed to crawl to the door, where Ewurama assisted me to the car. At this point, maintaining composure was essential. We rushed to the hospital, where I was transported to the ER in a wheelchair. After undergoing x-rays, the diagnosis revealed a triple herniateddiscinmylowerback,which was pressing on my nerves. I couldn’t help but wonder how this could have happened. Potential causes included activities like jumping out of planes and running in combat boots. Many thoughts raced through my mind, including the fear that this might mark the end of my military career. I had dedicated 11 years to the Army, and I had no intention of giving it up. I was referred to a neurologist, started physical therapy, and even tried acupuncture. It took a year of persistent effort before I could run again. Throughout this challenging ordeal, I made a pivotal decision to change my career path and applied to become an Army Warrant Officer (WO), a prestigious rank comprising only 26,000 individuals (2.5% of the Force). Despite enduring pain and taking pain medication for my lower back, Iwas accepted into theprogram, and I went through intensive training for five weeks. While attending the WO Basic Course, Ewurama experienced her third miscarriage. It was a period filled with doubt and questioning our faith, as it seemed like adversity was constantly testing us. However, what I gleaned from these trials is that everything happens in its own time, often not when we expect it but when it aligns with God’s plan. In June/ July 2006, Eli was conceived, and he was born on January 26, 2007. On December 11, 2008, Liam came into our lives, and on April 26, 2011, Nolan made his entrance. Notably, Liam and I share the same birthdate, the 11th day of the month, while Eli and Nolan share the 26th day of the month. Through these experiences, I have learned valuable lessons from my failures. They have molded me into a better person, one who is eager to learn from my mistakes. I often advise those I encounter to confront their failures, extract wisdom from them, and ensure they do not repeat the same missteps. It is through the failures of others that innovation is often born. Growing up in Ghana, failure is often stigmatized. However, I encourage our sons and anyone I can influence to pursue their passions without fear of failure. I advocate for them to embrace new challenges and remind them that innovation thrives on learning fromsetbacks. Inmy current employment, we are encouraged to document our failures and persist until we achieve success in our projects. Growth Through Life’s Lessons 37 The Birthday Journal
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Bonsu: Alright, troops, gather around for a fun military-style lesson! Today, I want to talk about some important skills we practice in the army: leadership, teamwork, and integrity. But first, let’s warm up those muscles. How about we start with some push-ups? Eli: Push-ups, Dad? Are you serious? Bonsu: Absolutely, Eli! It’s all part of the experience. Showme what you’ve got. Let’s see those push-ups! Liam: (grinning) Alright, Dad, you asked for it! The boys start doing push-ups, and Bonsu joins in, making it a friendly competition. Nolan: (laughing) Dad, you’re still pretty good at these! Bonsu: (smiling) Well, I have to stay in shape to keep up with you three! Okay, let’s take a break. Now, about those military skills... Eli: Push-ups were a good start, Dad! So, what’s leadership? And why do you always say, “You cannot be successful waking up at 10 a.m.?” Bonsu: Leadership, Eli, is like being the captain of your team. It’s about making sure everyone works together and follows the plan. Imagine you’re in charge of a mission to clean up the backyard – you’d be the leader! And as for waking up early, well, that’s a lesson I learned in the military. Being punctual and starting your day early helps you make the most of your time and be more productive. It’s a part of being a good leader and taking charge of your day. Dad’s Wisdom L e a d i n g w i t h H e a r t 41 The Birthday Journal
Liam: (nodding) Got it! Teamwork next? Bonsu: You got it, Liam! Teamwork is when everyone in your squad works together, like superheroes on a mission. If one hero doesn’t play their part, the mission could fail. So, when we clean the backyard, we’re a superhero squad, and we need to work as a team. Liam: Dad, as a superhero, you would be Captain America. Captain America is caring and compassionate, always striving to do what’s right and protect those in need. His determination and work ethic were shown even before he became a super-soldier, as he repeatedly tried to enlist in the army duringWorldWar II. Bonsu: Thank you, son. Captain America is a true symbol of honor and dedication, and I’m honored you think of me that way. Just remember, those traits are something we can all aspire to have in our lives, whether or not we wear a superhero costume. Nolan: Dad, what’s integrity? Bonsu: Great question, Nolan! Integrity means being honest and doing what’s right, even when no one is looking. It’s like having your own secret superhero code. We should always tell the truth and do the right thing. Liam: I get it now, that’s why you say every morning, 42 The Birthday Journal
“Make good choices,” before we leave the house. Eli: Thank you, Sir! You make learning fun, even with push-ups! You’re not just a leader in the military sense. You’re our leader too, and we’re so proud of you. Liam: Yes Sir, we’ve always looked up to you. And congratulations on getting that job at Microsoft. It’s amazing! Nolan: (grinning) Absolutely, Sir. We love how you’ve always supported us in school and in sports, no matter what. It means the world to us. I want to be a leader, not a follower! Your guidance inspires us, Dad. Bonsu: Boys, remember what I always say? “No one remembers the one who came in second. They always remember the one who won the race. Who is the vice president? Aaaam Aaaam!!! You see, no one remembers the number two. Your goal in life should always be number one.” So, keep aiming high, my boy, and strive to be the best you can be. Eli: Speaking of best…Some of my best memories are the times we spent traveling through different countries in Europe. Those adventures were unforgettable, and I’m glad we could share those experiences as a family. Thank you, Dad for always being there for us…at our births, our first communions, confirmations, recitals, games, and practices, and making sure to visit each of our rooms every single night to wish us good night. Bonsu: ( feeling touched) Thank you, boys. You all mean everything to me. And you know what? Remember, leadership, teamwork, and integrity are super skills that will help you throughout life’s adventures. Now, who’s up for round two of push-ups, or shall we do planks? 43 The Birthday Journal
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July 2022, I was almost 49 years old, with my 50th birthday on the horizon. It was a big milestone, and I pondered what I could wish for since I already had everything I needed. The dream of owning a yacht seemed distant, so I searched for a new idea. My son, Eli, would turn 16 in January 2023, and I knew he’d need a car. That’s when it struck me - a car! I playfully debated with Ewurama, my partner in life’s adventures, about whether to get a Bentley or a G-Wagen. She responded with a hint of amusement, saying, “Eiiiii my Ashanti husband.” A few weeks later, Ewurama’s cousin and her husband, theAgyares, visited town, and I couldn’t resist sharing my birthday car dilemma. “Bentley or G-Wagen?” I asked with a chuckle, making it a light-hearted decision. Little did I know that Mansa had a surprise planned. Fast forward to October 10th, a day before my 49th birthday, a FedEx package arrived. I eagerly opened it, revealing “The Birthday Journal” with a framed cover page that read, “Image is Everything: The Bentley vs. The Mercedes G-Wagen.” Mansa’s thoughtful gift elevated my birthday plans. As time passed, it was June 2023 and I was still unsure about my birthday plans. Amid this uncertainty, Ewurama and Araba convinced me to go on a 50th birthday adventure to Las Vegas with my friends. It sounded exciting, but there was a catch - I still needed to decide on a car. A few days later, during a phone call withMansa, she asked if I had chosen a car. To my surprise, I confessed, “No, it won’t be the G-Wagen or the Bentley.”Thosewords hung in the air, andMansa, ever curious, asked, “Any particular reason?” My response, “I don’t like either,” revealed a deeper truth - I hadn’t truly exploredmy interest in these cars. The price had dominated my thoughts, overshadowing the appeal of driving a luxurious masterpiece. From Dreams to RealityThe G-Wagen Experience 46 The Birthday Journal
I had mentioned to my friend Solomon Preko that I was thinking about buying a G-Wagen, and he told me his neighbor owned one. He said he would ask if I could test drive it the next time I visited. However, I never took him up on his offer. This experience taught me a valuable lesson about neglecting myself, reminding me that, in our efforts to make others happy, we sometimes forget to treat ourselves. The decision-making process took unexpected turns. One August day, I shifted the blame, saying to Ewurama, “You don’t seemconcerned about my carbuying dilemma.” Her response was like a breath of fresh air: “How about we go look at cars this weekend?” The weekend came, and there I stood, facing a choice. First, we went to the BMW dealership, considering the X7, but it didn’t meet our expectations. Then, like treasure hunters, we ventured to the Range Rover dealership, admiring the long SUVs. We fell in love with them, but patience wasn’t my strong suit, and there was a long 9-month wait. It was then that I realized my automotive destiny had been clear all along, hidden in plain sight - the G-Wagen. I immersed myself in research, reading numerous positive testimonials that increased its appeal. But the price remained a concern. However, one testimonial stood out: “The hardest part of buying this car is the price, and the easiest part of owning it is the maintenance.” Then, one morning in bed, I asked Ewurama, “What do you think about me getting the G-Wagen?” Her resounding affirmation echoed through my soul: “You deserve it.” With renewed determination, I scoured the digital realm, and there it was - a G-Wagenwaitingat a local dealership.We visited, admired, and, finally, experienced the thrill of a test drive. It was an amazing automotive experience, a rugged yet luxurious tank. Negotiations continued for another two weeks, testing our patience and determination. Then, on the morning of the purchase, as the sun painted the sky with promise, I woke up early. With hope in my heart, I whispered a prayer to the heavens, “Give me a sign, dear Lord.” The signs poured in like a waterfall of blessings. My whole morning was full of positives: I didn’t trip and fall, the boys didn’t call me from school that they left something at home, Ewurama didn’t text me that the school kids were being bad, my siblings and parents didn’t send any negative texts. As I looked back at The Birthday Journal cover page, now a year old, I marveled at the power of speaking dreams into reality. The G-Wagen was more than just a car; it symbolized self-acknowledgment, a testament to the fact that in the grand theater of life, sometimes, you have to be your own leading star. 47 The Birthday Journal
Bonsu, a local veteran, is on track to become a game changer by the time he hits the big 6-0. You might wonder, what’s the secret behind his success?Well, let’s dive into it because this man is living proof that laughter truly is the best investment. Here are five reasons why Bonsu is destined for game changer status: 1. A Billionaire Mindset: Laughter andWealth Ever heard that laughter is the best medicine? Bonsu seems to think it’s also the best way to wealth. His infectious laughter isn’t just a sign of a jovial spirit; it’s a testament to his positivity. He approaches every challenge with a smile and a chuckle, believing that a billionaire mindset starts with seeing the sunny side of life. 2. Calculated Risks: Angel Investor’s Hustle Bonsu isn’t afraid to dive headfirst into new ventures. He takes calculated risks, much like an angel investor, and combines themwith the tireless hustle reminiscent of the Kantomanto boys in Ghana. Every risk he takes is a step closer to that billion-dollar mark. 3. Big-Picture Vision andWisdom While some see challenges, Bonsu sees opportunities. He possesses the wisdom and insight to recognize potential where others might see obstacles. His ability to see the big picture allows him to navigate the business world like a seasoned pro. 4. Embracing Failure: The Billionaire’s Journey Failure? To Bonsu, that’s just a pit stop on the road to success. He firmly believes that you’re here to solve problems and discover your true potential through challenges. For him, failure isn’t the end; it’s an essential part of the journey. 5. Generosity: Sharing theWealth Despite his growing success, Bonsu hasn’t forgotten the value of generosity. He’s not just accumulating wealth for himself; he’s sharing abundantly. Bonsu understands that true richness isn’t just about amassing money; it’s about enriching the lives of others. So, there you have it – the five winning qualities that make Bonsu a game changer in the making. With his billionaire mindset, calculated risks, big-picture vision, resilience in the face of failure, and generous spirit, Bonsu is well on his way to joining the exclusive club of the world’s wealthiest. Keep an eye out for this laughterloving entrepreneur; he’s got big things in store! THE GAME CHANGER by Mansa Agyare Bonsu 48 The Birthday Journal
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Dad and Mom Happy Birthday, dear Bonsu! We love you more than words can express. Amoah I admire Bonsu’s generosity and his genuine desire to see everyone around him succeed. He has a big heart, and it’s evident in his actions. During our time serving together in the military in Belgium, I shared many memorable moments withMr. Tutu and his family. For the next decade, I wish Bonsu all the best in everything he does. I pray that God continues to protect him and his family and grants himmany more happy birthdays. Happy Birthday Mr. Tutu! May God bless you and your entire family abundantly Ruby Noelle One thing I love about Bonsu is his “cool” demeanor. I have a great memory with Bonsu, Tish, and another dear couple. They surprised me at home one Sunday, bringing breakfast items and cooking a feast in my honor. Their kindness is unforgettable. Bonsu, may your life continue to shine brighter and grow better bringing prosperity and blessings for the next fifty years. Eric Fullford One of the most admirable qualities about Bonsu is his dedication, which I hold in high regard. Our shared memories from our time in the Army are among the most cherished moments we’ve experienced. Bonsu’s exceptional skills as a Warrant Officer made our military service truly remarkable. My wish for Bonsu is to embark on a successful second career and gracefully transition into his well-deserved second retirement. Nana Achiaa Osei Tutu One thing I truly admire about Uncle Bonsu is his role as my Godfather. He consistently offers invaluable life advice, whether it’s related to academics or career choices. His genuine care for others leads him to guide us in the right direction. Our shared memories are always filled with Uncle Bonsu’s intriguing life lessons, particularly those about various types of alcohol. It’s a fascinating experience! My prayer is for God to continue to watch over him and bless himwith excellent health, success, and the ability to remain a significant presence in the lives of my cousins and everyone around him. Kojo Diggy One thing I love about Bonsu is his role as “the Equalizer.” Great memories with Bonsu span various countries, making them even more remarkable. For the next decade, my wish for Bonsu is excellent health! Kwadwo Ababio One thing I cherish about Bonsu is his remarkable ability to accept people for who they are, even in the face of adversity. Our great memories with Bonsu involve cracking jokes in various countries. For the next decade, my wish for Bonsu is good health, wisdom, and prosperity. Amma and Kwabena There are several things we love about Bonsu. His dedication to Ewurama and the boys’ upbringing, his focus, and his ability to maintain friendships. We’ve had several great memories with Bonsu, but what we cherish most is our shared love for good conversation and a good tipple. Bonsu always makes time for these moments, whether he’s in Ghana or we’re in the Washington DC area. For the next decade, our wish for Bonsu is that he lives a long and fulfilling life, witnessing his boys achieving remarkable things and having Tish by his side, with their gray hair proudly showing. Here’s to creating more wonderful memories! Salut! 50 The Birthday Journal
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